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Well, my husband actually got called to work for 6 hrs today, and has a final shift 28 hrs, before total lay off. Well... It's better than nothing and will prevent disconnects for a bit longer. Thank God. I dropped him off and spent day with my sister, it helped a lot, but doesn't change the pain. I just keep praying help will find a way, a door, a job, direction. And keep fighting the good fight at times. It's not easy always being the strong one, for my family, like I'm supposed to endure this with no feelings and just keep plugging. I actually enjoyed and laughed for first time in few weeks since the last time infection set in my jaw, down my chest, neck, headaches. It's interesting how people expect you to work miracles and be something your not to survive. I'd give anything (almost) to just have a chance at dentures so I could work.. Like a catch 22.. I watch my husband fill out apps, send resumes, even walk in snow storms to show he's dependable. Not many ppl would even try that, not in today's society of comforts. But, because the so called economy, his age, living in a collage town, etc.. He finds himself fighting his own good fight to just feel like he's doing his part. Which he is.. I'm proud he really gets out and tries. If he got paid for all his searching, all the times applied, we'd be stable. So I try to understand his position, and I'm not going to judge him because he's not working much, he can't help that. He is doing what it takes, and we can just hope, pray doors open. I try to get out of myself, the pain, to consider, help others as I can.. But when were struggling so much we can't reach out like we'd like. We have to help ourselves before we can help others. I just wish the walls were not stacked against us and we could work and pay our own way like we have for so many years. Prices are so much higher. Go to store ppl many are rude, not enough employees working. Prices higher for lesser amounts.. so many changes, and my teeth, gums are so bad a clinic nurse was so concerned. I don't know I just feel so stuck right now.. Made it through today, and even laughed.. Day at a Time..

And, NO I'm not on any mood altering chemicals, I'm drug free other than Fish Oil, Prilosec, My BP med, Naproxan, and an antibiotic as needed. If I need I use tea bags to draw out infection, but nothing else.. This is from the depths of me..

Well, I don't know what I'm doing here. How this can help? But here I am typing out into the cyber world. For what? I'm emotionally hurting, desperate. Crazy part, I'm usually the one helping others, work in professional fields, so love helping people, have spent years helping, giving, working in various forms of the healthcare field,weather being a therapist or in Nursing. ~ Brought myself out of the depths of childhood trauma, only to feel myself falling back after all these years. Sux! I feel desperate, cry a lot, want to run somewhere, want to hide. In last 2 years I have struggled to keep myself going, be positive, surrender to God, ask for help.. Only to sit here stuck.. spinning my wheels... I was repeatedly abused as a child, married an abuser over 30 yrs ago.. had my teeth busted, cracked. Have had them fixed repeatedly to where there is nothing left for them to fix and I need dentures. Well, I have been repeatedly rejected by jobs due to my teeth being broken.. again.. ( All upper teeth in from and 3 on bottom are broken off now. I live in pain a lot, I continually get infection in my lower jaw, causing swelling down in my neck, up to my head.. Causing all kinds of added physical issues. I'm high risk for heart disease, and am on medication for Hypertension. I have been in this position for 2 years and am tired of the shame, embarrassment, pain, swelling, fear of eating. I am married, my husband works, but it's gone to only PT and it's all we can do to pay bills, cos now he's getting laid off. Anytime we try to get enough money to get dentures, the car has problems. Now w/ hours cut any money we get has to go to bills to prevent housing issues. I'm soo tired of hurting, of feeling like I'm worthless when underneath my dental / financial problems. I'm as capable as anyone else. I just can't seem to get a break.. I'd love to work, I miss it so much.. But, I can't even deal with the rejection anymore.. All I want to do is get help.. Honestly, I'm only on here to try to help myself get this out, I know there's no help out there after 2 years of trying. I don't want to give up, I'm fighting unhealthy thoughts, urges.. My family is known for suicidal thoughts and I hate being grouped with it, but thoughts pass now and then.. But truth be known if I have a choice between living like this and some form of escape.. Escaping is actually looking good.. And I hate feeling like that too, I really just want this Desperation, Hurt to STOP... I just want to be reasonably normal, able to be accepted, and work.. To be able to eat w/o fear of infection, to actually chew my food like I should be able too.
Yet, this is affecting my thoughts, and my health.. And, I'm tired of fighting for good, when there's no help for the helpers.

I'm 53 yrs old, Married,2 grown children, 3 grown Step children.. 5 grandchildren.  Unemployed, Love working in Healthcare, Holistic Health, Helping others usually. Youngest of 4 siblings.   Have no clue why I'm on here.  But it's an effort to reach out, help myself by sharing..   I do have a lot to be grateful for, but live in pain, or fear of eating and causing infection to my dental issues.  What can I say??